by Gemma Delaney

In the somewhat unhinged carousel that is 2020, many would have noted the numerous acts of kindness and compassion that stood out like beacon lights against the tumultuous backdrop of a global pandemic. People, seemingly rising to the occasion, sought to alleviate the suffering and discomfort of others in various ways such as volunteering to help vulnerable neighbors, vital food bank collection drives and even the production of upcycled attire for healthcare workers. Stealthily, ‘being kind’ became the clarion call of the nation.

But what of those feeling overwhelmed? The isolated and anxious, the restless souls dealing with depression, or those burdened by unprecedented financial worries. Extended periods of desolate feelings can deplete emotional resources, making it a seemingly gargantuan task to be of help to others.

Altruism and Adversity

According to renowned NLP Life Coach, Edith Montgomery, when facing personal challenges, lending a helping hand may not instinctually feel like an option. ‘Chaos, stress, and anxiety that stems from a crisis like the current pandemic can sometimes make us recluse and withdrawn, disinclining us to reach out or help,’ she notes.

However, Montgomery assures us if we’re feeling distressed or overwhelmed, extending a helping hand might indeed be the key to our own emotional wellbeing. ‘We’ve evolved as social creatures, thriving on a sense of community. Isolation can foster negativity and harmful habits that corrosively impact our mental health. By being there for others, you could benefit from their reciprocal empathy or a listening ear in return,’ she adds.

Kindness and Mental Health

The somewhat paradoxical notion of simultaneously helping others and boosting your own mental health seems too good to be true. However, surprising as it may seem, science has backed this ideology. Explaining the empirical evidence, psychotherapist and founder of Braintrain.me, Alice Howard, suggests that helping others not only makes you happier but healthier as well.

‘Helping others, and volunteering, in particular, has been found to correlate positively with happiness, health, and wellbeing. A study by Hunter and Linn indicated reduced anxiety and depression rates in adults who volunteered, compared to their non-volunteering counterparts,’ Howard clarifies.

So, why does helping others positively impact our mental health? ‘The answer lies within our hormonal responses,’ continues Howard. ‘Helping others triggers the release of oxytocin and dopamine- hormones associated with bonding and pleasure respectively, thus making us feel good. This means there’s less room for stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Therefore, there are inherent health benefits that come from helping others.’

The Ripple Effect of Kindness

Kindness, compassion, and generosity are key when it comes to fostering feel-good moments as well as meaningful relationships with others, says Steve Hollingsworth, a renowned life coach, and author. He believes that engaging in acts of kindness often distracts you from personal woes, giving you a bigger perspective of the world.

‘The acts of kindness toward others will invariably shift the focus from your problems, helping you see the bigger picture. Also, your kindness might earn you gratitude or reciprocation, which will boost your positive emotions. Kindness indeed breeds kindness,’ he notes.

Simple Gestures, Big Impacts

The inception of kindness doesn’t necessarily require grand gestures or money. Hollingsworth suggests a genuine smile, a warm greeting, or taking the time to truly listen to someone can create a domino effect of happiness.

‘A simple act like a casual walk with someone can instil a tide of positivity instantly. While maintaining physical distance, virtual activities like watching a movie together, or cooking a meal can transform mundane tasks into pleasant, therapeutic ones,’ she says.

If you’re worried about someone’s mental health, initiating a conversation about it can seem intimidating. Nevertheless, a simple, compassionate exchange of ‘I’m here for you’ can do wonders in making someone feel loved and valued.

Courtesy Begins at Home

As we navigate the stormy seas of life, prioritising self-care and kindness towards oneself is often forgotten. Steve Hollingsworth believes that adaptive patience and compassion towards oneself are powerful facets of self-kindness.

‘We have a tendency to treat ourselves more harshly than we would treat others. So be kind to yourself. Pick up your favourite book, go for a run or a walk in the woods. Recognize what makes you happy and incorporate more of it into your life,’ he advises.

If you’ve been feeling down or have been struggling with low self-esteem, ‘kindness’ may seem like a trend or hashtag. Edith Montgomery suggests screening out such social media noise and spending quality time with those around you. After all, real-world kindness is more effective, more personal, and most importantly, easier and natural.